current
older
e-mail
diaryland

I'm a 29 year old chick living in the South. I'm married to Kim - happily married most of the time. Our daughter is 8-year-old Bailyn. I work in the I.S. Department of a nearby hospital. Oh, and I'm a pagan living in the Bible Belt.

I love reading, cuddling with Kim and Bailyn, working with computers, playing The Sims 2, and waiting anxiously for the release of Sims 3.

2008-11-23 - 1:16 p.m.
The MIL Weighs In

Before I launch into my latest tale (seriously, to be so anti-drama, we're having a lot of it these days), let me note that I posted Friday night and just after 12AM Saturday morning, so you might have missed Bailyn's Christmas pics and the tidbit I typed after the pics. On with the story....
_________________________

OK, I'll try to keep this as short as possible and keep the aura of the story intact. We'll see how I do.

We went to Kim's mom's last night. His mom is a lot like Raymond's mom on Everybody Loves Raymond, if that tells you anything. I'm never really comfortable around her. However, I'm exceedingly foolish and insist on giving people chance after chance.

Anyway, we had a nice little chat during Kim's smoke breaks. The conversation was broken up into several parts. We'd talk about it when Kim went outside and shut up when he came back in. I won't bother denoting when we stopped and started. Frankly, I don't really remember.

The first time he got up and went outside to smoke, I asked her what she thought of the possibility of us adopting a young child from foster care. She immediately freaked. No, no, no. Completely unacceptable. With Kim's emotional problems, how could I even think of fostering?! I explained that I didn't want to foster, but that I wanted to adopt one whose parental rights had been terminated. I wanted a permanent placement, because I didn't think either of us could handle fostering. {My thoughts: Since when does Kim have emotional problems? Is anxiety and aversion to change the equivalent of emotional problems? I don't really think so. When I think of emotional problems, I think of someone seriously disturbed. Maybe I'm wrong.}

She says her call is absolutely no. She unequivocally refuses to consider the idea because she worries about his mental instability more than I'll ever know. Don't I remember what a disaster having Rebecca was? Kim is like her (MIL) and doesn't share his space well at all. I tell her that this is completely different from hosting an exchange student. We're talking about a child a few years younger than Bailyn that we will raise as our child. Well, the child will be a complete wreck. Yes, the child will have some problems, but we will specifically choose one that only had mild problems - ones that we can likely overcome. {My thoughts: Her call?! Does she really think she is making this decision? Kim's mental instability?! He's a lot of things, but mentally unstable is not one of them. He is actually very stable.}

She says, "Please, please, PLEASE don't force him into this. He told me that he felt backed into a corner and had no alternative when you decided to host an exchange student, and that seems to be your standard procedure. What are you going to do with 2 kids when he disintegrates into a thousand pieces?" At this point, I'm completely shocked, but not yet anywhere near angry. I said something along the lines of, "What exactly did he say to you about us hosting an exchange student?" She says, "I'm not getting into it. I have nothing else to say." And then she turns away from me and stares at the TV. I looked at her for a few seconds, and then turned away and didn't open my mouth the rest of the time we were there.

When Bailyn and I went out to the car to leave, Kim stayed in there a few minutes. I knew she was telling him something about what had been said. When he got out the to car, I asked him what she'd said. She apparently gave him a little info and told him she knew she'd upset me and was sorry she opened that can of worms. Yeah? Really? You think it's OK to make a comment like that and then refuse to say anything else, and THEN apologize? I don't think so. You don't pull some shit like that unless you fully intend to infuriate someone. I gave him a rundown of what was said. Naturally, he is very disturbed with the labels she applied to him. He doesn't know what to make of her comment to me.

Yes, I drag him forward when we're in the process of something. Do I drag him unwilling? Uh, no. We make decisions together (you know, like this whole adoption thing...we're on opposite camps, but I won't move forward unless he decides to really join me in the decision. If he ever did say OK just to shut me up, I wouldn't do it. No matter what I may consider and/or threaten, I couldn't do it...not really. Evidentally, she perceives the situation as him being a wraith on the edge of losing his mind, and I'm this evil, cruel slave-controlling bitch.

Considering this new info, it makes that comment she made to me so many years ago make a lot more sense. It took a looooong time for me to get over it, but I never forgave her. For this, we have to go back to when I found out I was pregnant with Joshua and then thought I was miscarrying. When we got the blood test back that showed the pregnancy was progressing normally, I was so thrilled that I had to tell someone. I couldn't get ahold of Kim, so I called her to tell her the great news. Her response (and I quote): Well, to me, that's not good news. Not at all.

I could say a lot about it, but I don't need to. Her statement stands on its own. There is no explaining or excusing. However, combined with this new information, I wonder if her perception was that I got knocked up against Kim's wishes and tried to trap him or something. Never mind that we'd been together for a year and a half and engaged for 6 months. Needless to say, I've told Kim that I will not be going to her house for Thanksgiving. We were going to do lunch with his Dad and dinner with his mom. I told him that he and Bailyn could go on over to his mom's and then come back to his dad's to get me.

last - next